Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
