Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize