i just wanna soil my oats bro
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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