Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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