sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
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It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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