Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
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Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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