dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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