Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard asâ€¦wellâ€¦" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.