you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.