pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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