No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
