Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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