I think my vagina is haunted
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
