i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
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I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
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I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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