Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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