The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
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i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
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Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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