he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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