hell yes lets make some ravioli
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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