I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
