Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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