If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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