oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Congratulations! We have a period
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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