omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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