I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
