Where is the hickey?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
