Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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