Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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