I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize