Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
