this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
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Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid