Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over