she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.