just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?