You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize