my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties