My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?