remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
