I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
