just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
