you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize