Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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