On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
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my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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