I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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