cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
