Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
