he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
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