wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize