I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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