You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Fuck appropriateness.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
