i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she looked like the before picture.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
