i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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