whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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