I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
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My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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