Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
