I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
