can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Your penis caused this!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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