i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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